Why Nascar is the Most Horrible Thing Ever

An Explanation of Why Liking Nascar Makes You A Terrorist

Nascar, for those lucky souls who don't know, is a "sport" where people drive around a track. Really fast. There are a lot of them, and they try to finish like 8000 laps first. It's all very exciting, really (not really). There are thousands of reasons Nascar is terrible, and I will probably expand on them in future posts. I have a lot to say about Nascar. However, in this post I will focus on why liking Nascar basically makes you a terrorist. Might as well put on your Jimmie Johnson hat (he's number one right now I think. Just googled that shit)and go blow up planes or something. Here's why:

Unlike other sports, Nascar does not rely on your physical fitness. (If anyone who reads this blog [does anyone read this blog?] likes Nascar, they will be indignantly thinking "Nascar requires physical abilities!" People say this. I have never done Nascar, nor do I plan to, so I can not attest to this. It does seem like it would take some small amount of skill, however, not physical fitness. So calm down) Instead of exercising and protein powder and steroids, Nascar is fueled by gasoline. Think how much gas it takes for about 500 cars to go around a miles track 8000 times (Just tried to look up accurate information so I could do legit math, but its too confusing. All the races are different lengths and shit) Anyway the point is, the use a lot of gas. Good for the planet guys, real great. I feel global warming accelerate every time there's a Nascar race. But that's not even the point. The point is this. Let's say Nascar uses a zillion gallons of gas a season (that sounds accurate, right?). Where is that gas coming from? I bet you some of it comes from Middle Eastern oil. I bet a lot of it does. And, since we Americans know all Middle Easterners are terrorists, ESPECIALLY the ones selling the oil, supporting a sport that needlessly (they're not even going anywhere! They do like 185 laps around THE SAME 2.66 mile track) uses a zillion gallons of gas, which the terrorists make money off of selling America CLEARLY MEANS ANYONE WHO SUPPORTS NASCAR IS ALSO SUPPORTING THE TERRORISTS AND DOESN'T LOVE AMERICA. Consider that next time you see a Nascar fan. And let them know how you feel about it. It's time to take back America!