Why Dinosaurs Are Better Than Jesus

So, I have a triceratops named Raptor:

He was a gift from my lovely boyfriend, because everyone knows dinosaurs make the best pets ever. To prove my point we have compiled a list of reasons

Why Dinosaurs Are Better Than Jesus

A Numerated List

1. Dinosaurs were real. We have fossils and everything. Show me a Jesus fossil, bitches.
2. Dinosaurs would have sex with you. Jesus was too holy for that. Nuff said.
3. Dinosaurs will sex your mom. All Jesus will do is forgive her.
   
   
4. Dinosaurs would eat Jesus. For breakfast. Then Jesus would be dead.
   
   
5. Dinosaurs were killed by a meteorite. Jesus was killed by a bunch of old guys.
6. Dinosaurs roamed the earth for hundreds of thousands of years. Jesus was around for a few decades.
7. Dinosaurs had bigger penises than Jesus. Some dinosaur penises could have been as long as 12 feet and as wide as a foot. Yeah, beat that Jesus.
8. Dinosaurs won't judge you if you kill your obnoxious roommate (or brother, sister, parent, friend acquaintance etc). Jesus will get all annoyed at you for that shit.
9. Dinosaurs look badass. Jesus looks like a hobo.
   
   
10. When interviewed, 98.2% of children prefered dinosaurs to Jesus.
    
    
    
    
    
11. Dinosaurs came in a rainbow of colors. Jesus doesn't even like gay people.
12. Dinosaurs know their grammar
    
    
    
    
    
    
    (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon). How many grammatical mistakes are there in the bible? YEAH TRY READING THE WHOLE THING TO COUNT. HAVE FUN WITH THAT.